Day 20 - A Difficult Time in Your Life
I know, I know. I'm a day late. I don't know about you, but I'm starting to see a pattern on the days that I am late with my posts!! That's work interfering with my blogging! lol. Normally I would combine the two posts together when I'm a day late, but because of the subject, I feel this one deserves it's own post.
Ok, so a difficult time in my life. I would say that there have been two major difficult times in my life, but I am only going to write about one here.
The first difficult time I had was when I was 11 when my dad died. I can still remember the day it happened now. I was supposed to be going to my friends house for tea, so was really surprised and confused when my mum came to pick me up from school. I normally walked home from school, so it was unusual in itself for her to pick me up, but even more so as I was going to my friends. My grandma was with her, so I thought maybe it was because grandma had come over to visit. Grandma lived what I thought was really far away (it is in actual fact only about 30 miles away) and it was rare for her to come on a weekday.
The pain of loosing a parent is one that never goes away. It does get better in time, but every so often, something happens and I find myself wishing my dad was here. I think because I was so young when my dad died, it was only as I became an adult that the grief really *hit* me.
Six months down the line, I was watching Pretty Woman with my mum. It was the first time my mum let me watch a '15' film, so I was feeling pretty grown up. After the film ended, my mum told me the truth about my dad not being my natural father. This really confused me and I felt like I'd lost my dad all over again, not only was he not here, but now he wasn't my biological father either. I felt *different*. I felt like I didn't belong. When I look back, I can't believe how naive I was in that I couldn't see it. I am dark skinned and have dark hair and eyes and both of my sisters are very fair, blonde and blue eyed! Whenever anyone asked me about my colouring I would just say that it was because I was born in South Africa. I never even clocked on that I was born two years before my parent met! It was only after my grandma had died a couple of years later that I realised that to them it really didn't matter whose genes were inside me, I was still family to them.
My eldest child PJ is named after my dad. Whenever I hear the song The Living Years by Mike & The Mechanics, I always think of my dad. I wish he could be here to see his grandchildren. The anniversary of his death and his birthday are always sad days for me and I think they always will be. I like to think that he's looking over us, watching and guiding us, but mostly I wish he was here with us.